Wow

There is just so much to tell. And I know when I look back at this experience, I will regret not writing more down, but so I am forcing myself to write now, even though really, I want to go to bed.

I cant even explain the experience I have had in the last few weeks. I can start with Friday. Friday of last week was interesting. Mrs. S had to call social services for a student, so she was unexpectedly out of the classroom from 10-12:30. Wow. what a wake up call. I was a teacher on my own. And boy did the 6th graders have a great time. The ran a circus, and really tried their hardest to give me grief. They could tell I was flustered, but I tried my best to maintain composure. It was difficult. I went home in agony, wondering what I would do with these kids and how I would reach them. One in particular is an instigator of it all and really knew how to get under my skin.
On a good note, the student is with relatives in another state, free from harm. At least I went home with that. That helped me sleep that weekend.

On Friday afternoon, I really questioned my decision to go into education. What am I doing here? I said, and I thought about it all weekend long.

Then, with a more positive attitude,after a night of survey writing and activity planning, I walk into school to find out my teacher fell sick to a sinus infection. Now's your time to shine, says Mr. G, and I was flying solo once again. Lets just say Monday went better than friday because they had more to do, and although Joe*gave me trouble like Friday... Not nearly as much... 7th graders are my haven class, and although there are more of them than 6th graders, they are more mature, and I can joke around with them a little bit more and then get right back into my material.

Tuesday, I came prepared to fly solo again, not knowing whether my co teacher would be in or not. And although the 6th graders were antsy and ready to be done with school, they got through it, and man was it a learning experience for me.
No! You can not go to the bathroom!
Rearrange seats to gain control.
Try and spark their interests.
Get them moving any way you can.

Wednesday, Mrs. S was back in action, and the kids were almost as happy to see her as I was. haha. They worked on some things, and Mrs. S and I scratched our heads to keep their attention for the next week and a half. Number the Stars for the 7th graders, who were really interested in the Holocaust and its effects. And short stories and spelling for the 6th graders, who didnt like the book we were originally reading, because they know that they can not talk about their lack of documents to be here. The Puerto Rican children dont worry, but the Mexicans have tend to quiet down during these discussions.

And then there was today. Before school started, I pulled Joe* aside to praise him for his excellent behavior yesterday, and that I was proud of him, an hoped it continued. He grinned, and walked in to the class, too cool to let me know that he was happy to hear my positive comment. Then we played a spelling game, and all the kids participated, even though some sulked because they didnt remember the spelling words from the week before. But the boys were the least disruptive I have ever seen--- even when Mrs. S is teaching. That made me so happy, and really set up the tone for the rest of the day. It was today, that for the first time, I felt like a teacher. 7th graders listened attentively to Dr. Suess's Star Belly Sneetches... And we compared it to the Holocaust and racism before we moved to Number the Stars.

My 7th graders are the ones that worry me the most, and they come to me with stories about gangs and violence on the streets. We talk a lot about what gangs are, and how they treat you, and the bad decision it is to join them... And while some are honest about not getting involved, the few that are most at risk... They know what to say to teachers...

Then recessed happened.

As I sat with a student who is eager to learn and has learned English incredibly well in the last year, anther student came to join us and said: Mrs C! Whats the worst thing you ever did? And I mentioned some thing that were I was not proud of as a 7th grader.. (albeit innocent and well mannered when you compare it to these kids) And he then continues with "Has anyone ever asked you do take the blame for something you didnt do?" When I prodded further, he got up to play soccer, so I am keeping my eye on him.
And from there, it was all a big blur. Rachel* and Megan* were an hour late to class.... for the second time this week, and their homeroom teacher had enough. He was them before class started, so he knew they were there... Then, because they have so many problems with them before, he sent them to the principal, and she kicked them out. As we were heading in from recess, I see a big group of 7th graders crowded around a bench, where Megan and Rachel were crying. It was here I found out that the girls had been kicked out... And we had a long talk about the colors they decided to wear that day, along with a group of 8th graders wearing the opposite color association. They both denied involvement with the local gang. And I hope that remains true. The 8th graders were wearing the the rivial colors, and started to confront the 7th graders. It turned into a huge ordeal, but in the end, no one was hurt, and a fight was stopped before it started. The principal stood her grounds that the girls were kicked out, and they hugged me goodbye today. I gave one my email address and said to keep in touch, because I cared about the girls very much and wanted to see them succeed. Mrs. S said that she is going to talk to the principal to try to convince her to overturn this decision. The girls live on the worst block, with a lot of street fights and gang activity, and their behaviors in the last week have shown us they are really at risk. If they get kicked out of school, the likelyhood of them joining the gang skyrockets and their chances of going to college, or even living to see 22 drops dramatically.


And even with all this mess... Today, Today was the day I finally felt like a teacher to these kids. The come to me, ask me questions, tell me their stories, and joke around with me. Today. Today was the day.
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* To protect identities, all names have been changed*